Insert Awesome Title Here
by FeminerdyPotato
Summary: This is a little random thing I started. Feedback is appreciated!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi.**

**I made up this random fanfiction at around 4:00 AM.**

**Feedback requested and recommended. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything that appears in this fanfiction except for... uhm... the plot?**

**I'll quit it here.**

**Insert Awesome Title Here**

There.

I couldn't find a good title, so I just used that.

Umh...

This is a story about after the end and returned to the Orphans' Shack.

With the Quagmires.

And the other students we've come to know and hate/love.

Chapter One: **Insert chapter heading here**

Snicket: **sits down at typewriter after carefully glancing over his shoulder** Now, I am free to continue with the sad, unfortunate history of the Baudelaire childern.

Me: Up. Now.

Snicket: But... This is my typewriter.

Me: Do I _look _like I care whose typewriter that is? I have a story to finish for you! And you just sit down like you own the thing.

Snicket: But... I do own the-

Me: Allow me to spell it out for you. **goes over to recently conjured up chalkboard and writes out the words I DON'T CARE in gigantic letters** Now, get out of the spinny chair before I send it flying into that black hole.

Snicket: What black hole?

Me: **points across room** That black hole.

Snicket: Oh. **starts to get up, but it's too slow for my taste, so I shove him into the black hole and watch as he falls**

Me: Bye! **sits down in spinny chair and turns a few times, just for the fun of it before positioning fingers over keys**

**Nobody**

Klaus was sitting on the bed, eagerly describing an interesting plant he'd seen to anyone who would listen. Finally Sunny yelled "Akgrubah, muchenstem!" which probably meant something along the lines of "Nobody cares, Klaus!" Isadora, who was tapping her feet against the wall as she gazed up at Klaus, smiled happily. _She _cared, even if no one else did.

Duncan ran in, being chased by Quigley, who was shouting for him to put the book down that instant.

"Duncan Quagmire!" Isadora snapped. "What are you doing with my notebook?" She leapt forward with surprising haste, hitting his knees in fine fashion. Duncan hit the ground, still clinging to the notebook as tightly as he could.

"Isadora Quagmire!" Duncan yelled. "Who is this couplet about?"

_A fire is lit in me when he looks my way_

_He leaves my thoughts in complete disarray._

**Isadora**

I screamed violently, launching for my notebook.

"DUNCAN QUAGMIRE, YOU LITTLE-"

Me: **feverishly writes in a truck barrelling by to avoid writing what she calls Duncan**

Isadora: Why did you do that? I wanted him to hear it. **glares at Duncan**

Me: I'm _trying _to keep this a K-K+ rating, Iz. If you'd like it to be a M-rated-

Isadora: No.

Duncan: TING-TANG, WALLA-WALLA BING-BANG-

Me: Duncan, if you're not careful, I'll make you get struck by lightning, which- Ooh, I like that idea!

Duncan: What idea? **thinks**

Me: **crumples previous manuscript** This is no good at all!

**beginning of new manuscript**

Duncan runs across the floor of my office, leaping into the black hole I pushed Snicket into at the beginning of the previous story.

Duncan: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Why are you killing me? I'm the likable triplet!

Me: I never said I was killing you. Now, unless you would _like_ to be killed, I suggest that you quit giving me ideas.

Isadora: Hey, can you write the rest of us in, now? We're kind of bored in this empty room of nothingness.

Me: Patience, Iz.

Isadora: **grudgingly nods** Fine.

Me: **writes in Sunny and Violet**

Sunny, in a daring leap far beyond her should-be capabilities, leaped across to the black hole, turning a back flip in the air and performing a perfect nosedive into the sea of blackness, into which Duncan had disappeared a while ago.

Violet dashes after her, calling for her and trying to catch Sunny before she flies into the black hole. Quigley tackles her, preventing her from jumping into the black hole after Sunny.

"Quigley!" Klaus shouts at him. "I've got a song for you!"

"What is it?" Quigley asks, keeping a firm hold on Violet's arm.

"Stay away from my sister, otherwise I may have to hurt you, stay awaaaaaay!" he sings.

"SUNNY!" Violet pries Quigley's hand away from her wrist and dives into the black hole to save her sister.

Quigley tries to dive after her, but Klaus tackles him. Isadora runs out and tries to pry the two apart and talk some sense into-

Me: **Covers ears** GUYS!

Quigley, Klaus, Isadora: **continue arguing incoherently**

Me: **snaps fingers** There! Now you are all chained to walls with duct tape covering your mouths.

Violet: **peers out of black hole** Guys... You may need to see this.

Me: Can I make them get struck by lightning, first?

Violet: No!

**creepy guy walks in**

Creepy Guy: 'Ello! My name is Count Olaf, and-

Me: No, your name is...hmm... Gummy Eyeball. Yes, that works!  
Gummy Eyeball: No, it's-  
Me: Gummy Eyeball!  
Gummy Eyeball: Fine.  
Me: **flicks finger and they come unchained from the wall, and Gummy Eyeball-  
Gummy Eyeball: COUNT OLAF!  
Me: Really? Who told you that? **Gummy Eyeball (DON'T YOU DARE INTERRUPT ME, GUMMY EYEBALL!) gets struck by lightning**  
Violet: Okay, you three, come on!  
Isadora: Gimme a minute. **starts making out with Klaus**  
Me: **sees Violet's disgusted expression and flicks her finger again**  
Violet: **soars out of black hole and starts making out with Quigley**  
Sunny: BLUBGLUB! (Translation: Guys, this is utterly innaapropriate content for a baby!)  
Violet: **makes accusing noises and gestures violently at me, including a gesticulation which seemed to threaten murder**  
Me: I am the CONTROLLER! I CONTROL YOU!  
Quigley: **pulls away from Violet** What was it you wanted to show us?  
Violet: If we can pull our siblings apart, we can go see it.  
Sunny: graybabble (Translation: KLAUS! ISADORA! QUIT IT!)  
Klaus and Isadora: **pull apart after I flick my finger and use the author powers** Hey, what was that for?  
Me: I'm trying to keep this rated K+, which you guys are preventing.  
Gummy Eyeball: ORPHANS! AVADA KEDAVERA, ORPHANS!  
Me: That doesn't work on them, Gummy Eyeball (No, I'm not going to stop calling you that) because I'm the author. Therefore, I control the story. And I am making you stand next to that there chalk board and write "I will not boss the author around" twenty bajillion times. So there, Gummy Eyeball.  
Gummy Eyeball: But- **is interrupted by me flicking my finger and sending him over in front of the chalkboard** Bossing you is fun!  
Me: It bores me. **duct tapes his mouth shut because Gummy Eyeball is irritating**  
Violet: Thank you. Now y'all come on! **leaps downwards into black hole again, with Klaus and Isadora and Quigley behind her.**  
Me: Wait for me! I control you! **jumps after them**  
Violet walks down a long passage, the Quagmire triplets (Minus Duncan) and Klaus behind her.  
"Sunny?" she calls. "I'm coming!"  
Me: Writing like that is boring. I think I'll just switch back to play format. It's better.  
Sunny: Blububhj! (Translation: I'm up here!) AAAAAAAAAH! (Translation: AAAAAAAAAH!)  
Violet, Klaus, Quigley, and Isadora: Sunny!


	2. Chapter 2

**I know, I know. It's been too long. :(**

**I wish I'd updated sooner, but I'm sorry! So, so sorry!**

**I'll let you read now.**

* * *

Chapter 2: **A Small Flashlight**  
Sunny: jabububuj (Translation: Who are you?)  
Random man: What? Sorry, I don't speak baby.  
Sunny: Bajah! (Translation: Ugh, where are my siblings? They need to translate to him.)  
**Random revolutionary appears**  
Random revolutionary: DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING?!  
Me: Enjolras!  
Random revolutionary (AKA Enjolras): Yes?  
Me: WRONG SET!  
Enjolras: Oh... Oops.  
Me: No; you stay! You'll fit in nicely! Just not here... now.  
Enjolras: Fine. **walks out**  
Me: Now that that's taken care of, y'all may continue on with your story. I need to take a dinner break.  
**After Dinner Break**  
Me: Okay, let's get this party start- SNICKET GET OUT OF MY CHAIR AND AWAY FROM MY TYPEWRITER!  
Snicket: This is MY typewriter.  
Me: False. **Z-snap** Mine. Up. Must I spell it out for you?  
Snicket: No need for that- You're spelling it out anyway.  
Me: **spells out the words 'My Typewriter' on the convenient chalkboard and zaps Snicket back into the black hole** Now! ROLL CALL! Violet!  
Violet: Here!  
Me: Klaus!  
Klaus: Here!  
Me: Sunny!  
Sunny: Baazukes! (TRANSLATION: Present!)  
Me: Quigley!  
Quigley: DUNCAN! VIOLET IS MINE! STAY AWAY FROM HER!  
Violet: DUNCAN! I AM QUIGLEY'S! STAY AWAY FROM ME!  
Me: Okay, y'all are here! Duncan!  
Duncan: I feel a dance coming on! **dances happily and almost takes his shirt off, but a truck runs over him before he can**  
Me: WE DON'T NEED TO SEE THAT, DUNCAN! And... Isadora!  
Isadora: I'M LAST? MY FATHER WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS!  
Me: Iz, this IS NOT Harry Potter, and you ARE NOT Draco Malfoy.  
Isadora: Sadly. Then I'd be dating Hermione Granger.  
Me: That's not- **gets interrupted by Klaus**  
Klaus: Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Isadora Quagmire, you never told me that you had a girl-crush on Hermione Granger!  
Isadora: I don't.  
Klaus: Then why'd you say it?  
Me: I made her.  
All: **look at me and start yelling incoherent things**  
Me: **yells over all of them** DO YOU WANT TO BE CHAINED TO A WALL?!  
All: NO!  
Me: THEN KEEP YOUR MOUTHS CLOSED! Now, places, places everyone!  
Duncan: IIIIIIIIII HAD A PET GORILLA!  
Me: DUNCAN QUAGMIRE! DO YOU WANT ME TO DUCT TAPE YOU TO A WALL?  
Duncan: NO!  
Me: THEN KEEP YOUR MOUTH CLOSED! **sends him into a black hole**  
Gummy Eyeball: Ehm, Author? I'm done writing "I will not boss the author around," twenty bajillion times.  
Me: One, two, three, four... No, you only wrote that twenty GAZILLION times! It must be EXACTLY TWENTY BAZILLION! **adds second piece of duct tape because clearly one isn't enough** And as punishment, Gummy Eyeball-  
Gummy Eyeball: Mrmph mrmph!  
Me: **acts as if nothing has happened** And as punishment, Gummy Eyeball, you will write 'My name is NOT Count Olaf, it it it is Gummy Eyeball and I will continue writing this until the author says that I am to write something different-' Oh, what is it, Eyeball? **removes duct tape**  
Gummy Eyeball: You said 'it it it is.' Shouldn't it be 'it is?'  
Me: No. Now listen. **reapplies duct tape** 'Until the author says that I am to write somthing different. If I don't, then I will suffer the horrible consequences.' Any questions?  
Gummy Eyeball: **shakes head no**  
Me: Good. Now, get writing! You have another jillion "I will not boss the author around' to write before you get started on that! **returns to typewriter**  
Violet: Sunny! What's wrong!  
Sunny: Bajookaboomboom! (TRANSLATION: THERE IS A HUGE LIE IN WHAT SHELDON SAID! THERE REALLY IS A TINY MAN WITH A FLASHLIGHT LOOKING FOR A CIRCUT BREAKER IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS BLACK HOLE!)  
Enjolras: Can I come in now?  
Me: Okay, fine. Where's Grantaire? GRAAAANTAAAIRE?!  
Grantaire: Yes, O Magnificent Author Person?  
Me: Thank you. **bows** And I need you and Enjy-  
Enjolras: I see where this is headed. And the aswer is NO! NO WAY! UH-UH!  
Me: You didn't know what I was going to say.  
Enjolras: Isn't it obvious? You ship us.  
Me: **turns to Grantaire, who is now visibly drunk** Am I that easy to read?  
Grantaire: I am not certain, honestly. I think you are simple to read.  
Me: That needs to be fixed.  
Grantaire: I quite like that about authors. They're quite easy to read... Haha, get it!  
**Me and Grantaire have quite a little laughing fest**  
Enjolras: Grantaire, get out of here.  
Me: If Grantaire leaves, so do you. **folds arms** And I don't care how cute you are!  
Enjolras: You don't control me!  
Me: Yes I do!  
Enjolras: Prove it.  
Me: **starts calling him Enjy because Enjolras is too much to type out** You sure you want me to prove it?  
Enjy: Yes!  
Me: Fine. **flicks my finger and BAM! he's tied up tightly and his mouth is duct taped.** Do you believe me now? **rips off duct tape**  
Enjy: Major coincidence?  
Me: Get up there and write "I will not not believe in the author" two million times because I'm nice.  
Enjy: NICE?!  
Violet: She could do like she did to Gummy Eyeball and make you write it twenty bajillion times.  
Me: Yes.  
Enjy: On second thought, two million sounds nice!  
Me: Now go! **zaps him up there** We may continue.  
Violet: SHELDON WAS WRONG? THIS I MUST SEE! **runs forward and, lo and behold, a little man with a flashlight searching for a circut breaker is in the middle of the black hole**  
Duncan: **walks back in to the little corridor** Hey hey hey! I feel like dancing! **peels off his shirt, causing everyone to fall down an make fish noises**  
Me: DUNCAN QUAGMIRE! **truck runs over him ''Without my permission'' ** PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON THIS INSTANT!  
Everyone: LISTEN TO THE AUTHOR! **fish noises**  
Duncan: Fine. **pulls shirt back on** You just don't like my SWAG!  
Me: NO! **scrubs out Duncan's mouth** You go up and write 'Swag means confidence, NOT awesome' eleventy-seven times.  
Duncan: **walks upstairs dejectedly**  
Klaus: **looks impressed** I never knew that someone else knew the definition of 'swag.'  
Me: **blushes** heheh... Well, I learned it from a friend.  
Klaus: Well, I'm impressed.  
Me: Aaaand... ACTION!  
Sunny: **walks up to edge of room** banananan! (TRANSLATION: There's Gummy Eyeball!)  
Violet: AUTHOR! Do something!  
Me: Nah, I think I'll see what you choose to do.  
Violet: AUTH-OR!  
Me: No, YOU do something. I've done way too much for you people. It's time for you to start pulling your own weight around here!  
Quigley: Isn't that what you're for? To help us?  
Me: No; I'm here to see that you behave yourselves and stay in character. Which reminds me! Isadora, you and Klaus need to act like you're in love.  
Klaus: But we're not-  
Me: In my world you are.  
Isadora: Fine. Klaus, let's act like we like each other. **takes his hand**  
Gummy Eyeball: Aha! I figured out a way to break that horrible curse you set on me! Now I will get my revenge on you, author!  
Grantaire: Hey, hey, hey! No attacking the lady, mister Eyeball!  
Me: Thank you! Plus, **turns to Gummy Eyeball** I thought I told you to write until I told you differently.  
Gummy Eyeball: I broke your author spell.  
Grantaire: You can do that? **takes another giant drink of wine**  
Me: No... You can't. Never. Nada. Nope. **looks around** Okay, you might be able to... But not that I know. **looks around** Dumbledore, you SAID that you couldn't break the spell.  
Dumbledore: No, you can't. Clearly you made him break the spell, but for what reason, I don't know.  
Me: Why would I have done that?  
Dumbledore: I don't know, weren't you listening?  
Me: No, I wasn't. By the way, Dumbles, I really like your beard. **gives his beard a playful tug**  
Dumbledore: If you're going to call me something besides "Dumbledore," please make it "Professor." And don't pull my beard again!  
Me: E=MC2!  
Dumbledore: What does energy have to do with anything?  
Me: It has nothing to do with this, and yet it has everything to do with it!  
Dumbledore: You're confusing me...  
Me: I'm a Ravenclaw. Our motto is "If you can't convince them, confuse them."  
Dumbledore: No, it isn't. It's "Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure."  
Me: That's what I said! **starts Gangnam Styling out of nowhere**  
Dumbledore: **facepalm**  
Me: You just don't like my awesomeness!  
Dumbledore: **ultimate facepalm**  
Me: Bah, you are no fun at all!  
Dumbledore: I'm out. **apparates away from set**  
Grantaire: Buzzkill.  
Enjolras: I'm done!  
Me: Okay, get back down here!  
Enjolras: Is Grantaire drunk again?  
Me: I think so... Grantaire?  
Grantaire: **starts Gangnam Styling** Salaga doola witchiga spoola Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo!  
Me: Yes... He most definitely is. **smiles because drunk Grantaire is funny**  
Enjolras: He's not drunk, he's normal. He does that all the time.  
Me: Oh... Just to be safe... **flicks finger and sends all the alcohol in the room up to the top of the room, where it dangles out of sight.  
Enjolras: Careful because he may just start having withdrawl symptoms. Then you don't want to be around him.  
Me: Okay. Now, let's get back to the story. Places, places everyone!  
**Everyone stops conversations and heads back to where they were standing**  
Enjolras: What about me and the drunk over there?  
Grantaire: I'm not drunk... yet.  
Me: Oh... Grantaire, you over next to those EMPTY wine casks and you, Enjolras, get over near, ehm... Next to tiny man with a flashlight.  
Tiny man with a flashlight: Tiny man with a flashlight has a name!  
Me: What is your name, tiny man with a flashlight?  
Tiny man with a flashlight: Gavroche!  
Me: Oh! **watches with a weird expression on her face as Grantaire hugs Gavroche**  
Gavroche: What's my place?  
Me: You'll see. ACTION!  
Gummy Eyeball: Well, now for my revenge on you, Author!  
Grantaire: No attacking the lady, Mr. Eyeball.  
Gummy Eyeball: My name is Count Olaf.  
Me: Did you get nothing from that long sentence I asked you to continue writing?  
Gummy Eyeball: No; you freed me form your author-curse after that!  
Me: Oh... Okay. Well then. Umm... Grantaire, you call him Mr. Eyeball.  
Gummy Eyeball: NOOOOO!  
Me: Better than one fanfic I saw. Your name was Crap Oatmeal.  
Gummy Eyeball: I don't even like oatmeal!  
Me: ACTION!  
Gummy Eyeball: She's not a lady, she'll shred your skin for soup!  
Me: I OBJECT! I wouldn't shred Grantaire's skin. He's got too much alcohol in him, the soup won't be good! I'd use yours instead, Eyeball!  
Gummy Eyeball: NOT IF I KILL YOU FIRST!  
Me: No problemo. **truck that killed Duncan earlier now murders Gummy Eyeball** That was easy!  
Violet: She helped us again!  
Me: You're welcome! **bows**  
Klaus: Yay! Isadora, let's shower her in her favorite books!  
Isadora: And white chocolate, peppermints, and fudge!  
All: YEAH!  
Grantaire: And wine!  
All except Grantaire: No! **random, odd exclamations, one of them being "Monkeys like peppermints!" and a response that I won't write in**  
Me: Guys, get to the throwing of the wondrous goodies at me!  
Duncan's ghost: Can I come back now?  
Me: **smooths his shirt down and wipes off dirt from his face, almost like his mother would** You look sleepy, Duncan.  
Duncan's Ghost: I am. **yawns** But I want to come back! Please, pretty author lady? **sits on rug next to me**  
Me: Poor little Duncan. Come here. **lifts him up, noticing that he's much less light while he's in his living form, and laying him on a Duncan-sized bed that I magically conjured up for him**  
Duncan: I want to be a boy again! **half closes his eyes**  
Me: **smiles, knowing the feeling** It's okay. Sleep, and you'll wake and realize that you aren't a ghost after all.  
Violet: **yawns** I'm sleepy, too!  
Klaus: Me too!  
Sunny: Ootem (TRANSLATION: Me too!)  
Quigley: What they said!  
Isadora: Listen to Quigley!  
Me: Don't worry, my children.  
Grantaire and Enjolras: What about us?  
Gavroche: And me!  
Me: Don't you worry, either. **spreads arms wide** Beds for all! **beds exactly the right sixe pop up for everyone, plus a crib for Sunny and a little basket that hooks on to the canopy of my bed for the typewriter so Snicket can't get to it**  
All except me and Enjolras: **crawl into bed**  
Enjolras: How can I be of assistance?  
Me: Just go to bed. **smiles at him, then walks around folding back blankets and adjusting pillows, finally crawling into bed after brushing Duncan's hair off his face** Cut.

* * *

**I know, it's over so soon! I'll be updating ASAP, though, so don't worry! As soon as I get chapter 3 finished! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Duncan's dream.**

* * *

Snicket: Ah, finally they're asleep. **holds up lantern** Now I can continue with the Baudelaires' history. **reaches for typewriter that is in basket**  
Me: Lemony Snicket!  
Snicket: What? Oh, it's you!  
Me: Leave the typewriter!  
Snicket: Fine. **walks off dejectedly**  
Duncan: No, no! Not the giant burrito!  
Me: What's he dreaming about, you ask? Here ya go! **writes in dream cloud, then falls back to sleep**  
Duncan's dream:  
Dream Violet: Duncan! Duncan, wake up! You're a boy again! **Shakes Duncan awake**  
Dream Duncan: You're right!  
Dream Klaus: Hey, what's that? **points at something in the distance**  
Dream Duncan: It's a giant taco! **dives for it, where he finds a large group of seats, blankets, and pillows** Hey, come on, y'all!  
Dream Sunny: Okay! **jumps up next to Duncan and buckles her seatbelt, pulling on a blanket**  
Dream Quigley: Hey, wait for us! **seizes the burrito and climbs up, Violet next to him**  
**all are soon up on the burrito.**  
Dream Duncan: Hey, what's that? **giant razor flies toward us**  
Dream Quigley: I think that's a giant razor.  
Dream Violet: Ya think, Quigley? I think we should get off here ASAP!  
Dream Sunny: Why?  
Dream Klaus: You're vocabulary increased quickly.  
Dream Quigley: Hey, wrong 'your!'  
Dream Violet: GRAMMAR NAZIS UNITE!  
Dream Klaus: Oops, I'll correct that right away.  
In case you're wondering how the fudge they could see that it was the wrong version of 'your,' there are giant speech bubbles hovering above their heads as they talk. Yes, that's what the fudge happened!  
Dream Sunny: Answer this dream girl's question!  
Dream Duncan: This is a dream?  
Dream Klaus: No dip, chum bucket!  
Dream Violet: What the person? The Chum Bucket is a restaraunt under the sea where Plankton works!  
Dream Klaus: Oh... Sorry. I'd heard you say that, before.  
Dream Sunny: What does that have to do with why we have to get off this burrito?  
Dream Quigley: Because it's getting closer! **throws himself and Sunny off the burrito, tumbling into space together as the giant razor slices the huge burrito in half, leaving the other dream kids hanging on for dear life**


	4. Author's Note

Okay, guys, I'm going to be deleting these fanfics. I have absolutely no clue what to do on the ASOUE one, and as for the Les Mis one, no one likes it, not even me. BUT. I am going to be uploading quite a few Homestuck HC's, so... Yeah.


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